Foodical Randomocity

There once was a flock of carrots. They were very disturbed that they couldn't fly like most things that were in flocks, so they decided to gather together celery sticks and cotton candy swabs and began to make wings for themselves. Some of the older carrots were concerned, having recalled a story about some greek dude who flew too close to the sun, but the others assured them that it would be fine, since they weren't using wax. So they built teir wings, and they went to the edge of the cliff -they lived on a cliff top, or rather on the edge of a canyon-, and jumped off...and they fell. Into the ground. Which is why they are always found mostly in the ground.

Me: The real reason that the Titanic sunk was because it was attacked by a swarm of iceburg lettuce.
Mom: Metal eating ieburg lettuce?
Me: Yeah, metal eating iceburg lettuce. Metal devouring iceburg lettuce. They're like locust, but lettuce. And they swim, they don't fly. They use their fins to swim. When they go underwater they open up and swim around like that.

Bacon. Bacon is awesome. I don't think there's anyone who DOESN'T like Bacon. I bet even pickles like Bacon. Bacon is just that good. Bacon makes everything taste better. That's why brussel sprouts taste so good with it in them. Lima beans probably taste good with bacon. How many times do you think I said "Bacon" in this little spiel?

Artichokes....what is that, 'artificial choking hazard'?  I don't even KNOW what that means. Um...Artichokes...arti-chokes...artist-chokes...? Artist chokes?! It chokes artists?! What, it's some sort of serial killer?!...Cereal killer? It kills cereal?!! Wait, so which is it, cereal killer or artist choker?

....I can't think of a pun for Asparagus!

Me: Collard greens must be like the vegetable buisness men.
Mom: Why?
Me: Cause they're collared. They have the collars you know.
....or maybe they're the vegetable pets...? I dunno...either way.

Broccoli must be the martial artists. 'cause like...all I can think of is...well mostly Broccoli sounds like Rock Lee, who is a martial arts fighter in Naruto...but also Bruce lee and...Jackie Chan doesn't really sound like Broccoli, but you get the point.
....Chuck Norris...
Oh, but wait, they could also be the trees. Or maybe both. They're the martial artist trees!  I see how it works.

Are black beans black or mexican? ....That was racist...>>

So wait, are kidney beans the kidneys of vegetables? That's kind of disturbing.

Mom: How do navy beans-
Me: Navy beans?! I've never heard of those.
Mom: How do navy beans steer the ship without hands?
Me: The same way that Pickles can weave baskets under water, I guess

Me: Hm...Wait...what does a burger bird eat?
Mom: Burger bird?
Me: Yeah, I used it in a previous story. Like, you know the contents of a burger? The cheese, tomatoes, all the extra stuff?
Mom: yeah.
Me: So...is that part of the bird, or is that what it ate?
Mom: Hm... I don't know.