Nyxira-Ulwun

This year has already been really hard on me. I lost another friend already this year. Second one so far, and like the third in the past couple of years. And those squabbles with the other two really still piss me off, to be honest, and make me feel terrible about myself at the same time, because I always in the back of my mind blame myself for everything and know it's all my fault that I can't keep friends. But this time is different. This friend didn't hate me after we'd argue, or get mad at my obnoxious OCD habits and inanities.

She died a few days ago due to some sudden health complications. I'm obsessively avoiding sleep. Usually I would keep my mind from straying too deep into depression thoughts at night by replaying potential rp scenes in my head (not by writing story scenes, that makes my mind too active to sleep), but this friend was the last remaining person I had active rps going with. And now my mind always defaults to rps I had with her, which just backfires and makes me think about sad and depressing things anyway. So I'm avoiding sleep. This piled on top of already having had high anxiety and depression levels and just been really struggling this entire pandemic, hitting obesity for the first time in my life and trying to deal with that, being too much of a wreck to function properly in society and work a normal job... it's just been a lot. And it sucks. I miss my friend. I regret not ever finishing drawings for her. I hate that I can't even make a decent tribute to her memory. I miss talking to her every day. I'm really sad. It's really hard. But I'm not going to let it beat me. I know I don't upload stuff very often these days (though I have been putting stuff up on my Patreon here and there), but I'm trying to be productive again. I want to be making stuff, making something of myself. I have Redbubble and Teespring stores. I'm currently making some new designs for those, and designs which I hope y'all will really like. I also want to get back into recording letsplays and getting over my weird anxiety hang-up I developed about editing videos. And I'd like to do some more comics. I'm still really proud of what I managed to accomplish for that Webtoon contest last spring (and am really glad that I got to share it with my friend before she passed), and I'd like to do more. I just need to sort out my thoughts a bit. And not try to do too many things all at once. I've still got a backlog of commissions to worry about first. All this is really just an emotional ramble of all the things going on in my head lately. I needed to get it out, and also just wanted to share what's going on with me. I know you've probably all already given up on me, and that's fair. I wouldn't expect anyone to be keeping an eye on somebody who puts out so little content. But I haven't given up. And I hope you don't give up on yourself, either. -Brettdagirl/Nyxira

As requested and suggested, I now have both. They are currently not abundant in content, but there is a little bit there. I will work on filling them out more.

Naturally, my latest picture "Quiet" can be found on various products in my Redbubble store. Additionally, I have included products featuring "Whimsy", "Yuki Onnanoko", and "Nebulous". So... lots of stuff with stars and space, and one flowy, snowy girl. These were just the ones I could think of that might look good printed on products, but I am always open to suggestions for additions from my gallery, or even for new design ideas. Please consider supporting me! I would really appreciate it.

https://www.redbubble.com/people/Nyxira/explore?asc=u&page=1&sortOrder=recent

https://ko-fi.com/nyxira